A State of Penguins and Sunshine


I remember all of our freaky moments, the days that passed where we acted like one, finishing each other’s sentences, wearing the exact same outfits, knowing there’s something wrong with another even if we haven’t spoken for days and midnight “I love you” messages… and I miss you.

You lie so still, the only sound around you is your quiet breathing through tubes and the sounds of machines connected to your young body. Maybe it’s your only defense for the time-being. An easy gateway to the great escape you’ve wanted for so long, and I don’t mind it if you’re enjoying it better inside your head, but we miss you over here and if you give it another thought and asked your penguins, they’d tell you that it’s always better when you’re awake.

A part of you is now growing up, in one way or another, and that part will always be unique to yourself. I’m afraid it’s going to be long before I get to meet that part, but it’s okay, you have all the time in the world, just come back when you’re ready, when the fighter inside of you has regained enough energy to weave in and out of this life.

In all of this there is yet wonderment and hope brightly alive… For each breath is life, and time for another prayer to reach God’s ears. Unseen angels surround you, keeping their watch and holding your hand. And the penguins, inside your head, keeping you smiling and doodling all they can, makes me feel less bad.

A coma is not an absolute all-or-nothing state. There are various stages, and your coma is lightning a bit. In medicine, this is not a dramatic breakthrough, yet for me, it’s enough to help me put my head on a pillow at night. Many would lose the ability to sleep in a time like this, on the contrary , I always want to sleep, because like this, we’d be sharing something, and maybe penguins will come carry me into your dreams or convince you to visit mine.

I remember my cousin when he was sick, and the doctors said that he needed an induced coma to prevent him from pulling the wires, manage the pain levels and help him get through it. So maybe that’s your way of dealing with the pain, you’re strong enough to know what’s good for you and you know that we need you to pull through this.

Sunshine is all you brought into this world, to everyone you met and to me in specific. You’re my guardian angel, you make me smile, you make everything better. Wake up, smile again and make the world a better place as effortlessly as you always did.

She sleeps in peace, while there, in that small room, time has stopped. And while time has stopped, prayers reign supreme, and love rules.

Julie, I love you… always :)