Contaminated

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The canvas is not black and white anymore. Gray has invaded the picture and it won’t leave.

Gray is here to stay.
Gray is your new best friend.
Gray never leaves.

Once you’ve tasted gray, you accepted the bitterness and the confusion, black and white lose their definition.

Welcome to where you don’t belong, gray.

Reflections of silence

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Even though I truly believed that I was listening to your silence while you were sleeping from the 25th of February 2010 until the 1st of August this year, day by day I was proven wrong; the world is deaf and voices don’t really matter.

For 7 years, I never needed to explain myself and you would understand. You contained me. You were my touchstone and the person I never thought twice before turning to.
You listened to my silence and you didn’t need to talk back. In a way, our silence made perfect sense at many points. I miss this kind of serenity.

I’m afraid I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to find someone who would at least listen to what I can’t say for just one moment, but Julie, we both know, you’re once in a lifetime and a best friend for eternity.

Rest in peace wifey. Don’t leave me alone for long.

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

A Message to Heavens – 3

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Yesterday, my sister made me listen to this song. I cried so hard the first time I listened to it; it’s been only 45 days since I’d lost you and the lyrics just hit all the wrong cords.

Today, I voluntarily listened to it over and over again. I cried every time. I miss you so much.
I know a girl who passed away yesterday in a car accident, but it was so quick, her parents didn’t get to say goodbye. It broke my heart, but I instantly appreciated every single second I spent with you one million times more. You are so precious.

I called Mona to talk for a while, to let some emotion out before I go to sleep, to find that you have been trying to send us a message all this time and it just wasn’t getting to us. Visiting stranger’s dreams is acceptable if only you make sure it will get to us; you’re watching over us, aren’t you?

I would go places for one more hug and one more long phone conversation, but I know there’s an eternal afterlife reserved for that, I’ll work so hard to meet you there :)

I won’t be angry, I promise you. I won’t let Mona get angry too.

I love you so much, until we meet again, I’ll still love you the same and more.
I know you’re flying :) <3