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I went out of my way to answer that phone call. I went out of my way and I’m so glad I did. I’m so glad you’re back. What we have is a friendship beyond arguments or people meddling. What we have is years of trust, loyalty and compassion.

You were always one of a kind. Don’t lose that. I love you.

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Because I catch myself in a moment like this and I know.. I know what I want to have for the rest of my life.

Silence could never be so beautiful.

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The 5 day challenge to not write anything!

It didn’t work. I left random scribbles wherever I went. I wrote in every notebook I put my hands on. I saved memos on my blackberry. I even sometimes wrote in the margins of newspaper. I couldn’t hold myself no matter how much I tried to fight it.

And to be honest; writing is my best release. I let go of the pressure, the anxiety, the emotions, you-name-it and writing helps. Even when I write about something that doesn’t relate at all. Just holding a pen and a paper, hearing the sound of pen scratching and watching the voices inside my head transforming into art on paper… that’s divine for me.

Nerzy gave birth.
Merna chose an engagement ring.
Sherine got engaged.
Nada is due in a week.
And the world keeps revolving around grown-up stuff. But I refuse to go there. I don’t want to grow any older. I want to go back to the time I was 18. I did not enjoy this year like I thought i would. Horrible tragic things just kept on happening to me. They happened to me, I don’t deserve to feel like I asked for any of this. I admit that now is not even comparable to April of last year, I was half-dead back then. But there’s too much pressure in the air: 7 subjects at university, millions of things to do, a best friend that I would die to see but don’t have time to visit except every now and then, feelings of guilt towards street dogs and lost causes. I used to enjoy the pressure. I used to thrive under pressure. Now I’d trade the skies above me for a shell. Maybe for a day. Because I still love it here. I don’t know. I don’t know anything. I still want to go back to being 18. I want to re-live it properly. Yet I wouldn’t trade my now for a million perfect “18-s”. Because you’re here. You’re so beautiful it truly does make me want to cry. You’re here and it’s a breath of fresh air, a change of heart that’s everlasting, and a responsibility I am more than happy to carry. I want to stay. I want to let go of this burden too. The burden I didn’t choose to carry and I thought was never mine to hold.

My package is heavy- very. This is a very random post. A confusing one too. But I love you. A lot. You understand. And you make the world a much better place. You too give me a reason. You actually give me a million reasons.

Thank you for saving me. I owe you a lifetime that won’t be enough. Always.

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Today I realised that I feel so much better wearing my apron standing in the kitchen than wearing my white coat and standing in any lab at university. Today I realised that my dreams will always be the furthest thing from anything that’s got to do with Pharmacy, but if graduating this god damned school is all it takes to start where I want, I will work my best, day and night to finish.

Best part, and as cheesy as it sounds, you are the reason everything keeps getting clearer by the day. A bakery and pastry diploma it is!

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Life can be so randomly beautiful. Period.

I spent the past 3 hours playing with my baby cousins and I have food stains, nail polish and colour stains all over me. My hair is a total mess because we played “Salon” and the room is a total wreck because of the pillow fight.
Regardless of your tiny size, you two warm my heart greatly, and I love you more than I thought it was ever possible- like you were my actual daughters.

Stay beautiful babies :)

And you, you were with me in every single second, though you did not know it. And I loved it. I love you.
This is going places; i.e. China :P

You make me laugh so hard, I never knew I had the capacity to laugh this much..

And this is as randomly beautiful as it gets :)

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Yesterday was beautiful; a long-exhausting-absolutely-worth-it day. And I loved every single moment of it.

Yet today, I am enjoying a long-relaxing-of-no-importance-at-all day!
I’ve been watching CSI and Castle all day. Literally. Switching from an episode to the other. And it feels amazing, because God I missed that: the beauty of doing absolutely nothing. Having all the time in the world and abusing your power over it -which rarely ever happens, for you to be ahead of time-, because you know well how much you deserve a break.

Tonight, I hope nothing disturbs my utter bliss of nothingness, I believe I’ve worked hard for it. So dear world, kindly let me drown in the awesomeness of absolute void.

All the love in the world,
A very lazy Nesma blogging from her blackberry infront of the TV on a very comfortable couch with plenty of low-fat and healthy snacks at reach

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