How do I do this?

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After Julie’s accident, my life started revolving around the little things. The things that make me personally happy. Things that don’t matter to many, but in my world, they fill up the holes life digs along the way and they put a smile on my face. I wrapped my heart around tiny matters and in most days, when my heart was about to shatter, they were what kept it together.

For the past three years I’ve been holding on to the little things because in my eyes, they turned out to be the biggest. They filled my heart and my life despite how they could easily pass by unnoticed.

And growing up, I now realise that I have to let go of some of these things, and eventually, if I start giving them up, I know I’ll have to let go of most of these things.

I don’t want to grow up.
I don’t want to give up on what makes me happy.
I don’t want to let go of the little things.

And I don’t know how to verify myself.

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How do I say this?

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If you can help me find the words please say them for my pen has run dry and my tongue is tied.

I can no longer write it down, and I’ve never been good at saying it out loud too. I don’t know how to say this, and the voices inside my head are too loud and too many to be clear.

I’d wished this was different a million times already.

Love complicates everything.

Love ruins everything that I want to keep.

Love is kind.

Love is freeing.

Love is not what I see now.

All I ever wanted was to make you happy.

Message to Heaven 6

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I know it has been a very long time. I still miss you all of the time.

I came here many times over the past couple of months but my words would always fail me.

I don’t think I have ever needed you as much as I need you now. I probably said this a million times and I probably will say it a million times more. I think I will need you all of the time for the rest of my life. And it breaks my heart every time I pick up the phone to call you. Yes, I still do that. Sometimes I actually go ahead and call. And the message doesn’t make any sense, how do they know that it is “temporarily switched off or unavailable” when I know that this line will never be available again. I hope Heaven’s dynamics allows you to hear my prayers. I want nothing more than to see you and talk to you again.

I miss you. And I need you. And I really wish I could see you soon.

You are the only person who would tell me what to do. I need you, Julie.

I hope you’re flying <3