I come here carrying the weight of the world.
A year ago today if things have been right I would have been in India.
Today, if things had gone wrong I would have been in India.
Thing is: We truly never know.
We live. We learn.
I wish I could come here more often.
I don’t want writing to be the easiest thing to do like it used to be.. I just want it to be possible.
I wish you had seen me as beautiful back then.
It’s only never too late to admit that it’s very late.
So long my friend.
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All I needed to pursue the happiness I confused for a lot of other thing and the purpose I couldn’t find was right there in front of my eyes the whole time.
My desktop wallpaper. My sole belief.
Lesson learned: Whatever the situation- good or bad, it will change.
It certainly did.
Thank you :)
I’ve figured it out.
I spent the past 4 days trying to connect the dots and put the fray-ended pieces together.
And I figured it out!
We try desperately to maintain our trust in those we love. Despite their every thoughtless action and hurtful word. We never lose our ability to try and find reasons to keep the trust. Not because of unconditional love, that’s one way to see it, but the truth- and nothing but it, shows clearly that losing faith is hundred times worse than falling out of love.
I need you to trust me. And I need you to give me a reason to trust you more. Because every time something goes wrong and we make up, I can’t help but feel like.. feel like you can’t wait for the next time to push me away. I need to trust that you’re going to be there for me, that you’re going to let me be there for you.
And I know that you never mean for your word to play on my insecurities, but I am a runner. I get scared. And you, more than anyone else, know that I would trade the skies above for a shell if I could. I am going to get better, I am going to fall in love with the skies above, and I will go back to taking risks.. and loving it.
But right now, I give you my heart, and if that’s not enough.. then I’m not enough. That’s all I can give. Now. And it’s the most precious delicate thing too. For it shatters upon strong wind.
To cut it short, the past two weeks helped me figure this out: A rocky road means we have solid ground.
And I won’t give up.
I love you.
Today, while in shower, I realized that the reason I stopped documenting daily thoughts was because I lost interest in my own life. I was overworked, always tired, always sleepy and I had hundreds of things to do- that only left me drained and grumpy.
Although my blessings were countless, I lost interest in almost everything I had.
I was selfish.
I didn’t look at why I started this whole thing.
I only thought of the mental energy that this too would require from me. And I was too tired. I had zero energy.
Never in the past 16 months was I ever too tired for you. I am sorry. I don’t know what was I thinking.
You’ll always be the reason I started this blog let alone Project 365.
I love you wifey.
I can’t wait for you to come back. Once and for all.
“You give me direction.”
I haven’t been publishing for long. And I don’t know when I’ll go back to publishing what I write. Every day, I save the entry and go to sleep. And I don’t feel bad, because I write for you. I write for you to read and enjoy. I write for you to read and learn. I write for you because you come here to read my art and that’s the least I can do; to always always write for you. To touch your heart. To make you smile. And to eventually change your life.
But I won’t hit the publish button unless it’s easy reading, because the very little part that comes here to write for myself believes heart and soul, that easy reading is extremely hard writing. And I believe this much in myself. And I need you to believe in me as much. I’ll come back, I promise. I’m just low on faith when it comes to the words my pen draw– my faith in my pen will never be gone though.
You all started this 365 project with me and if it were not for the immense support, it wouldn’t have went on. So thank you, always. I’ll be back. If you know where to find me, I can use a guiding hand.
I love you. Stay precious.
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Because I catch myself in a moment like this and I know.. I know what I want to have for the rest of my life.
Silence could never be so beautiful.