When in doubt

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When in doubt- I read. It usually sparks an idea inside my head.

Today I was in doubt, severe doubt. I was so lost. And it wasn’t even a big deal, but I was beyond confused and disabled. I almost let go of the one most precious thing in my life.

I went through my father’s gigantic book  collection and I found a Khalil Gibran poetry collection. It was perfect for the mood I am in.

And those words won’t escape my thoughts from the minute I put back the book on the shelf:

“You were born to be together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in your silent memory.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heaven dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bondage of love.
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup, but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread, but eat not of the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone, though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping,
For only the hand of life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together,
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in shadow.”

Maybe I was doing it wrong. Maybe I’ve been doing it wrong all along. Maybe I am too proud to admit that maybe.. maybe I am not enough and I will never be. Maybe I love beyond that.

But I know the future holds more than what we think. I know that two lives together will mean much more 10 years from now. I know that it’s not simple. And I know that two people trying to make it work out in a world so messed up will often be not easy; it’s a constantly sailing ship, and the waves are not always gentle.

I won’t lie and say that it doesn’t hurt to try and fail. Sometimes it crushes me. But I don’t mind trying for the rest of my life- because when it works out, it is SO worth it.

I end this with the one poem that managed to break my heart more than Khalil Gibran’s entire poetry collection- the one Mike told Suzan in Desperate Housewives before he was shot:

“I love you once. I love you twice. 
I love you more than beans and rice.”

 

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