240-243

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I’ve figured it out.

I spent the past 4 days trying to connect the dots and put the fray-ended pieces together.

And I figured it out!

We try desperately to maintain our trust in those we love. Despite their every thoughtless action and hurtful word. We never lose our ability to try and find reasons to keep the trust. Not because of unconditional love, that’s one way to see it, but the truth- and nothing but it, shows clearly that losing faith is hundred times worse than falling out of love.

I need you to trust me. And I need you to give me a reason to trust you more. Because every time something goes wrong and we make up, I can’t help but feel like.. feel like you can’t wait for the next time to push me away. I need to trust that you’re going to be there for me, that you’re going to let me be there for you.

And I know that you never mean for your word to play on my insecurities, but I am a runner. I get scared. And you, more than anyone else, know that I would trade the skies above for a shell if I could. I am going to get better, I am going to fall in love with the skies above, and I will go back to taking risks.. and loving it.

But right now, I give you my heart, and if that’s not enough.. then I’m not enough. That’s all I can give. Now. And it’s the most precious delicate thing too. For it shatters upon strong wind.

To cut it short, the past two weeks helped me figure this out: A rocky road means we have solid ground.

And I won’t give up.

I love you.

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