Today I read a blog post about Mariam Fekry, a young beauty who found her way to heaven on New Year’s Eve Church bombings in Alexandria, Egypt. The post was not only to honour her soul or condole her family and friends, the post was actually more focused on her facebook profile and wall.
In 3 short days, her wall is swamped with hundreds of posts from friends and from strangers, all praying for her and wishing her well now she’s where she belongs.
I found tears in my eyes, and I thought it was just me being the usually emotional person that I am, but then I realized that in my head, I’m taken to the 25th of February 2010, the day your car crashed into the damn lamppost. And that’s the main reason why I had tears in my eyes. For almost a year now, many of us did not fail to write on your wall almost daily, like that’s our way to connect when we can’t visit you. For almost a year now, I’ve been working on that scrapbook I REALLY want to get done with, because I’ll only get done with it the day you hold it and flip through the pages. For almost a year now, I’ve been living in a time machine; somedays I go back in time, become all nostalgic and fall into a sea of memories, other days I’m ahead in time, filled with hopeful dreams of how it will be when you’re up and around.
I miss holding your hand and skipping down the street to pick up flowers from that flower-shop we both know. I miss singing our hearts out on our way to Abu-Ammar to buy sandwiches and tommeya that will only make our tummies upset. I miss card-shopping in all the cute gift shops. I miss junk-shopping in metro for not less than an hour everyday. I miss everything.
We still write on your wall. We still share songs. We still send inbox messages. And we still tag pictures. For some, it’s more painful this way, but for others, for us, it’s a way to mute the voices filled with doubt and despair.
The memories Julie, time in the making, it’s all more precious now. Holding onto the things I love, the things I am, the things I never want to lose; I learnt that from you.
For almost a year and for more in time, I’ll still be writing on your wall… because at the end of it, I do not want to capture an entire day and tell you about it, I want to hold on to a moment and place you in it. For I’ll only remember this moment. We only remember the moment.
I miss everything. I love you.