I am so uninspired. I can’t let my pen run down the page so that I can copy what I write and publish it.
I am so uninspired.
Today though, was a very weird day. It started off with a presentation I knew nothing about and yet aced, following was a lab final exam and a test tube filled with boiled Anise exploded over my left thigh, then I had to run and finish a final project but instead I spent half an hour in the bathroom throwing up.
I then received sorrowful news about a good friend’s grandmother who passed away (May she rest in peace) after struggling with several illnesses for long. I only met the woman through her grandson’s words, and I loved her because of how much he cared for her. I can’t quite translate how I felt when I received the news because technically I’m in no place to feel any pain… but that part of me I’ve tried to suppress for too long, that part which experienced loss of loved ones managed to take over for a little while.
At 4.30, I was waiting for one of my close friends at arrive to her surprise party. Yes, death and surprise parties; interesting combination. It was really fun, I got to catch up with friends I haven’t had time to see in the past period. It proved to me, once again, that I’m a people’s person; I only get better when I’m with a lot of people, which is something I learned to love about myself.
Although there were many moments along the day where I had a genuine smile on my face, the ghost of Death is roaming around my head.
I think about life and death and measure our acceptance to each. Death is not the opposite of life, it is a part of life. A part we’ve not yet explored and thus do not understand and it is only natural to fear what we do not understand. But with the right attitude we can make life beautiful. With this same attitude, can death not be the same?
I don’t think so! Days pass by and we don’t literally get over it, we just get used to the loss, and the gap is filled as the days go by, yet, remains that little hole, that the gap is getting tighter around, to remind you that pain is inevitable.
This is to honour those I’ve lost: family, friends and strangers; sometimes I think about how much I miss you and I can’t help but feel sorry for myself, then I think about all the other people who missed out on getting to know you and I can only feel sorry for them. May you all rest in peace :)