The remains of what has never been..


Just because you heard what he said, does not necessarily mean that you understand what he meant.

And you’ll be left alone celebrating all night long, the victory of a battle you never wanted to fight, a heart you never saw falling, gathering little pieces of who you were along the years, feeling their ends, so that you’d find pieces that fit perfectly. After all, it’d taken you a very long time to come here, you wouldn’t settle for anything less than perfect.

You pull out the white satin shoe-box, untie the perfect big pink bow-ribbon, and through the delicate layers of fabric you pull your old tote shoes. In your world, shoes come next after a cold night with a chocolate bar in hand, a pen and a paper in the other. Shoes make you comfortable, even if you don’t wear them, the idea of their elegant existence makes you comfortable. So you let your feet gently glide through the soft fabric of your tote shoe, and cue music..

Yanni’s Nostalgia embraces the rush of memories in your head, it’s only normal for you to feel this way tonight. And tip-toe, each time your feet touch the ground and fly back up you’re in a different state of bliss.

They never saw you dancing, who would expect you to dance anyway?
But no ballerina ever goes unnoticed, you know that very well.

Inside your head millions of moments that carry laughter and heartache are racing, leaving you with a nostalgic smile that nothing would erase. Things you never thought would cross your mind again suddenly reappear and moments you try hard to remember just won’t fall together again. You whirl around and let your legs up in the air, you float for what feels like a decade inside your heart, but it’s too soon when your feet hit the ground again.

Music is over, but not the state it left you in.

Shoes back in the box, bow-ribbon tied into perfection one more time, and you carefully hide the box inside your closet not thinking about how long it would take you before you pull it out again.

Celebration for the night is over- or so you think. But this has nothing to do with him, and there you go.. Tonight, you did not celebrate what you believe is a heart learning how to fall in love, or a victorious battle that left you too tired to fight again; you celebrated what had always existed within you, the lover, the dancer and the free-spirit.

You never wanted everything to add up to some perfect equation. You want chaos and mess. You want your share of heartache and tears too, because it’s only fair this way. You want warmth and that’s not much to ask for. You don’t want anyone who just wants you, you want someone you can be yourself with, someone who’d want to see dancer you’ve never shown anyone else. And it will happen, you know better than I do it will.

Tonight, there was no place for what has never been, only the remains, and what they bring of what will always be; a beautiful you.

You turn into bed, close your eyes and smile.
And when you wake up the next morning, it will all feel like a dream, except one little big part, the part that states you are beautiful. That’s the truest bit of it.


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