Aya Amer, my best friend happened to be in a car accident a few days ago.. Thank God, nothing serious has happened, and she’s recovering well. But I can’t fail to think about the worst that could have happened.. and on a negative scale, things don’t really go up.
I’ve been dealing awkwardly with bad news since Julie’s accident. I remember our other best friend telling me that Aya was in a car crash, in a moment and a shiver, millions of thoughts rushed through my head before I asked my first and last question “What happened? What accident?”.. She explained to me, and I sunk in silence.. My usual face cramp. Silence. Mouth-opened. Pause. Mouth-closed. I turned my head and chose to not talk about it.
I think I wasn’t prepared, and that at least one of the thoughts that rushed through my head back then were bad enough to hold me silent about the topic for the rest of the night.
Our human brain has two centers for depression and happiness, and they happen to lie close to each other, I am pretty sure that my depression center is screwed up enough to send stimulation signals to the happiness one when things get BAD. real BAD. Because I remember laughing about everything I was told for the rest of the night.. only to go home and cry it out to sleep. Alone. I knew that I’d be alone at night and that back then I had my chances of support, and yet I chose to do it alone.
I really do need to learn how to accept bad news all over again..
I’ve talked much about me, and this is all about Aya..
So, DON’T YOU EVER DARE TO SCARE ME AGAIN LIKE THIS. EVER. IF ANYTHING BAD HAPPENS TO YOU I’LL KILL YOU (yes, I know that’s worse and you know that I’m exaggerating)
You’re the person of everyday, you know that.. your very presence in my life makes me safe and comfortable.. and even when you disappear for days, I know that I could still count on you at the end. You are one of the sisters I got to choose, don’t walk out on me, any day, through this life. And I promise you that we’ll study more and indulge into deep conversations during studying less, and I’ll read you lovegivesmehope posts to sleep, and you’ll always stay beautiful.. and I’ll always always love you Aya.
Of all the lessons we’d learnt together, one was the most valuable; that some days should not be counted.. they should be weighed.. and I guess all my days with you are of great weight.
And a lesson I’ve learnt not long ago, but only learnt to apply after your accident; is that there’s a reason why they call God a presence Aya, because He’s always there, He’s right here. And He was there to keep you safe for us, and we shall remain thankful every day of our lives for His mercy and love.
Nothing ever seems as hard when I have you. So to all the nights we spent on my bed laughing so hard we cried, or crying too hard we couldn’t stop laughing minutes after because of something random either of us had said, to all the days we fought in your car because you didn’t want me to clean it, to all the through-night calls and to all the hugs and memories.. you listen and you listen well, you are going to stay around forever inshallah.. forever and not a day less, not a single day less.